Pandora's Box

We learn about relationships from what we witness and experience as children. Patterns of thoughts and beliefs eventually emerge in our lives, giving us information to support us in making conscious choices and changes. Most of us do not tend to question what was handed down to us from our parents and grandparents, until our lives become unmanageable, unworkable or excruciating. This was certainly the case for me! After a series of horrible relationships, I was finally ready to look within. I had to admit there were distinct patterns in how I was treated by men. Was it simply a coincidence? Were all men lying, abusive, cheaters? Did I DESERVE to be treated badly? I was tired of my reality and tired of buying into these beliefs. I wanted to happy, I wanted a great relationship, I wanted to believe in true love. But it was clear that I needed to do something radically different to get a different result. So I surrendered, I prayed, I asked for help, and I chose to look inside.

I was afraid of opening my personal Pandora’s Box. I had always thought there was something inherently wrong with me. But what I found as I lifted the lid, were simply outdated beliefs, some guilt and a lot of misunderstandings. As I sat on the floor sifting through the painful contents, I asked Spirit how I could manifest a man who would respect, cherish and love me unconditionally; I got that I needed to respect, cherish and love myself unconditionally. I thought REALLY? Then I thought YUCK! Then I thought, ISN’T THERE ANOTHER WAY? Nope, not unless you want to play games the rest of your life! I was in my 30’s…I wanted to be done playing games. I decided to dive back into my Pandora’s Box and learn to love myself no matter what.

I faced my vulnerability, I faced awful mistakes I had made, I faced my disappointments , and my pain. I cried hundreds of suppressed tears from the recent past as well as from my childhood. I love this quote from Marianne Williamson: If you have 100 tears to cry, 98 will not be enough. I had always thought of myself as stoic and strong, often holding back tears that burned the back of my eyes. What I did not know was those tears were still in me, bouncing around, weighing me down and distorting the landscape of my life.

Crying my tears made me feel lighter and more free. It also changed the terrain of my life. It is by grappling with our darkness that it can be brought into the light and pain can be transformed in to understanding. In this way suffering can be a powerful catalyst and used as a springboard to self awareness. So what I found as I kept digging and digging, at the very bottom of my box, was something clear, beautiful, pure and precious. It was my Spiritual Essence. We all have the opportunity to tap into Spirit within, after all it is what breaths us - but first we have the courage to make the journey! The upside from doing this work is a greater sense of connection, compassion (for ourselves and others) and remarkable relationships. Is the journey sometimes uncomfortable? Yes. Will there be tears? Probably. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTLY! My book “Manifesting Love” serves as a guide supporting you through this confusing terrain, and so will I! So, please write me with any question or comments, I would love to hear from you and be honored to support you.